Have you ever been told, “You’re a good listener”?

Most people tend to think of themselves as good listeners—maybe even great.

According to a survey referenced in a 2021 Psychology Today article, 96% of people claim to be good listeners.

Would you say 96% of the people you know are good listeners?

Doubtful.

Whether we are actually good at it or not, we tend to believe we are better at listening—among a long list of other things—than others think we are.

I’m not the king of self-awareness, but I know I’m no great listener—try as I might.

People have told me that I’m a good listener. Realistically, I’m probably just getting better at appearing to be one. As I get older, it takes me more focus to actually hear people. My brain is getting slower, and I need more time to comprehend and respond. Those pauses can make me look like I’m listening better than I am.

Hopefully, there are many good listeners in your life—and maybe you’re one of them. But how many great listeners do you know?

One immediately comes to mind for me: This month’s Sharper Leader, James Braam.

I’ve known James since 2010. It took me about ten years to discover he earned a master’s degree from Harvard. If I had a master’s from Harvard, introductions would go like this: “Hey, I’m Scott. I have a master’s from Harvard!”

Clearly, I’m not as humble as James.

I’ve heard James described by numerous people as “ahead of his time,” “genius,” and a “world-class architect.”

I agree.

But I believe the skill he best demonstrates is his ability to listen. He listens with intention, focus, and a genuine desire to learn from others.

James has one of the most impressive resumes of anyone I know, but he never makes it about himself.

Watching him interact with people is a master class in humility and curiosity.

James is an award-winning designer with impeccable credentials who fascinates me with how he makes people feel heard and validated. He’s especially good at it when people present bad ideas—mine included.

Whether we’re working, presenting at a conference, or just watching a football game together, James always seems genuinely interested—and even impressed—with my questions. When I ask something probably basic to him, he treats it like a fascinating thought. He leans in, compliments, encourages depth of the conversation, and makes me feel like I just invented fire.

I don’t know many people who make others feel as interesting and heard as James does.

After talking to James, people don’t walk away feeling impressed as much as they walk away believing they impressed him.

As a leader, do you consider yourself among the 96% who believe themselves to be good listeners? More importantly—are you willing to put in the work to become a great one?