By now, you’ve probably noticed that the three pillars of leadership I write and talk about are leading, learning, and growing.

I’ve homed in on these three through my continued journey of self-improvement.

Leading can be painful—for both leaders and followers. I’ve been hurt, and I’ve hurt others. I’ve experienced both while leading and being led.

Learning is often uncomfortable and time-consuming. Too often, I believed I already had all the answers and failed to listen or seek wisdom.

Growing can require trudging through pain to become better. I’ve blamed others too often for how I felt or why I failed, instead of appreciating and improving from life’s hard lessons.

No leader—or person—escapes mistakes, heartache, or failure.

My recommendation?

Embrace them.

Suffering is not the goal, but refusing to learn from hardships ensures we repeatedly experience them.

Embrace hardships with a plan for improvement; don’t be held hostage by them.

The hurts we experience—or even cause—are meant to shape us, not define or destroy us.

Reflect on your painful past, but only long enough to learn from it.

Acknowledge mistakes.

Where appropriate, apologize without excuse or qualification.

Ask for forgiveness.

Forgive others.

Forgive yourself.  

Move forward.

Use scars as a roadmap to wisdom, not breadcrumbs leading back to a worn path of regret.

Lead yourself to a better future because your past taught you how.